After last night, I could never be a politician.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
