i don't like sucking hair
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I came so hard my ears popped.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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