Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's blow job season.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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