Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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