those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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