I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
