a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
