i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
