eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
