I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
