Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Still dying that you shit outside
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
