As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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