would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
