Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
