We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
