I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
