He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
