Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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