my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
