what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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