He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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