literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
