The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
