i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
