Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
