so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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