Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
