idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
