yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
