Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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