just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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