I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
