Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
