how do flat chested girls get laid?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
