So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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