That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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