Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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