your parents love me but you hate me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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