When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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