So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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