my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
