Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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