Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
