This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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