in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
