her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
