girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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