You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
