i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
