Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
