i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
