I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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