Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
