i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
