i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
